Everybody Marries the Wrong Person: Turning Flawed Into Fulfilling Relationships

"With this debut, Meinecke positions herself in the tradition of best-sellers like Freakonomics and Stumbling on Happiness. Starting with the bold statement - 'You married the wrong person and your spouse did, too' - the practicing psychologist debunks clichés, conventional wisdom, and wishful thinking about what constitutes a successful relationship. In the grip of infatuation, we overlook faults, only to wake up to the dismaying reality that our beloved is far from perfect. This danger point, Meinecke warns, often arrives in the first four years of marriage, causing partners to become convinced that they should have said 'I don't.' She counsels readers not to fall into the 'f you love me, you will change' trap, instead focusing on a partner's strengths. She also warns against the pop-psychology practice of correcting a partner's shortcomings by pitching a fit, arguing that fighting is not only counterproductive, but unhealthy. To have relationship success, 'we must learn not to fight and to constructively manage our angry feelings.' Meinecke's approach to achieving a 'dynamic and rational, uniquely satisfying' modern marriage is an upbeat reality check. (July)" Publishers Weekly (Copyright PWyxz LLC) What exactly does it mean to have married the wrong person? It means everybody goes wrong. It means everybody clings to unrealistic expectations about marriage. It means the old marriage model is a failure and it is time for a new paradigm. For most of us, misconceptions and myths about romantic relationships remain unquestioned. We follow conventional guideposts because everyone else is following them. Everybody Marries the Wrong Person discusses the 20 misleading beliefs about romantic relationships and addresses the big six warning signs of users and abusers: substance abuse/dependence, mental cruelty, physical and/or sexual battery, anger, controlling behavior and under-functioning/under-responsiblity. This helpful guide discusses the eight basics of mature love and four behavioral goals that a healthy marriage requires. Heathly marriages develop as we manage personal expectations and reactions, focus on partners strengths, and choose to be both loving and lovable.